Sandra moved closer to me and held my hands. she stared into my eyes. I stared back at her in shock. she just defined me. it was not as if we had known each other for long. this was
even my first time of being alone with her. how could she know that I'm always nervous whenever I'm alone with a lady.
"Christian" she called
"you don't have to feel bad about it. you are not the only one with this trait. you can overcome it if you can tell people about it. my uncle too had this trait. his case was so bad that at the age of 30, he still couldn't approach ladies. He had no girlfriend. His parent had to get him a wife when he wouldn't introduce any lady to them. He had to accept the lady that was chosen for him because he had no other option. He never love the woman he married. He was later able to control his shyness when he told his close friends about it and they gave him advice which helped him. he became confident in himself and was able to approach ladies, but that didn't change anything because he was already married to a woman he didn't love. His religion doesn't support divorce, so he couldn't divorce his wife. All this happened to him because he kept his problem to himself. if he had open up earlier, he wouldn't have married someone he didn't love."
The pain I felt in my heart at that moment cannot be described with words. it was as if my heart would explode. I stared at Sandra with so much emotion. I have never be this emotional all my life. that was the first time I'm staring into a lady's eyes without being nervous. I was so pained. I tried not to speak, for the tears which had already formed in my eyes not to drop.
she tightened her grip on my hands.
"Christian I believe you can overcome this. There is no problem without a solution. you have to help yourself. look for friends you trust and tell them your problem. you can solve you problem by telling people. people who you can trust. people who can advise you. if you are confident enough to tell me about it, I will gladly give you a listening ear." she said and and fixed her gaze on my, waiting for me to share my problem with her.
I stared intensely at her. I couldn't get my gaze off her. I have never stared at a lady this way before. I wasn't myself anymore. I was destabilized.
"I.........." I paused
I couldn't speak. my lips were shaking.
"I............" I paused again.
The tears which I had been holding, dropped freely from my eyes.
"I have been this way all my life" I said as more tears flow from my eyes.
"my childhood till this stage of my life had been so boring. I have no close friends. I don't know how to make friends. I don't always do things that I wished to do. I don't go to parties. I always get nervous when I'm in a crowded place. I don't know how to approach ladies. I can't start or maintain a conversation with a lady. I don't do things that normal human beings do. am I even a normal human being. tell me which normal human being will be behaving this way." I said as more tears dropped from my eyes.
The more I speak, the more tears flow from my eyes. I couldn't control myself anymore. I was crying like a baby. I didn't know I have been holding all this pain for a long time. Sylvia drew me closer to her and wrapped me in a warm embrace. that didn't stop the tears. I even cried the more. I soaked her cloth with tears. she tighten her grip on me.
"Christian you have to stop crying. Everything will soon be over." she said
I later stopped crying, but she didn't free me from her hold. she still wrapped me in a warm embrace. we remained that way for the next 20 minutes. we didn't say anything to each other. the room was very silent. I didn't know what happened next. All I could remember was that I slept off while she was still holding on to me.
I woke up an hour later with slight headache. I tried to sit up from the bed I was lying but was too week. The event that happened an hour ago flashed through my mind. that was when I realized I was still in Sylvia's house and was even lying on her bed. I sat up immediately. How did I get to her bed? All I could remember was that I was sitting on her chair. wait a minute, I even told her my problem. How did I get that much courage to tell her my problem. I even cried in her presence. I can't believe I just cried like a baby in a lady's presence.
While I was still wandering in my thought, she emerged from her kitchen with a cup of tea. she smiled when she saw me.
"you are awake" she said
I didn't respond. she stretched the cup of tea to me.
"have this. it will make you get better"
I collected the cup of tea without taking my gaze off her.
"I want to go home" I said
"okay, but take that first"
I quickly down all the content and gave her back the cup
"thank you" I said
"you are welcome" she responded
"I will take my leave now" I said
"okay, but make sure you call me when you get home"
I nodded. I stood up from her bed and left her house. I left exactly 9:45pm.
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