I emerged from the restroom
few minutes later to see a guy
standing beside Sylvia. I
quickly hid in a place where I
could easily eavesdrop on their
"hi" the guy said to Sylvia
"hi" Sylvia responded.
"are you alone?" the guy asked
"no, I'm with someone" Sylvia
"who" he asked
"my boyfriend" she responded
my face curved in a smile
immediately she said that.
I turned and rushed back to the restroom for her not to realize I heard what she said.
I came out moment later to see Sylvia sitting alone. the guy was no longer standing beside her. I walked to her and sat on the seat I was previously occupying. I kept a calm face as if nothing happened.
"Christian, what took you so long? you almost spend the whole day in there" she said immediately I sat down.
"I was ......" I paused. I couldn't find the right word to say.
"let's start leaving. it's late already." she said
I looked at my phone screen and realized it was 11:45pm.
"okay, let's start leaving" I said and stood up immediately.
She stood up also, carried her bag and we left the place.
we got to a particular spot and parted to our different home.
I got home exactly 12:35am. I quickly lay on my bed and took a deep breath. I have never stayed out this late before. the event that happened at the club flashed through my mind.
All what Sylvia said about me was absolutely right. but how could she have known so much about me. I need to help myself to overcome this. I can't keep behaving this way. it's very boring. I need to associate more with people. Sylvia said I can overcome this if I start learning now. she said I shouldn't listen to what I have in mind. she said I should do opposite of what my mind is telling me. maybe I should start by answering questions in class without bothering about the stares I might be getting. yes I will start with that.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest the moment I made up my mind to answer questions in class. I tried to get some sleep but couldn't. those discouraging voices kept sounding in my ears.
'You better don't stand up in class or you would just embarrass yourself. do you know how many eyes would be staring at you when you stand up. do you know how embarrassing it will be if you fail to answer the question correctly. what if the lecturer insults you because you didn't get the answer right. you better just sit quietly in class and listen to the lecture.' that was the voice speaking to me.
Sylvia had already said that the voice is not real. it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I have to listen to Sylvia and disregard the voice. I will answer any question asked in class and see what happens next.
my heart was seriously pounding fast. it's was 2:am and I still haven't slept. just because I have decided to answer questions in class, I couldn't fall asleep. I was really nervous.
I kept turning from one side to the other on my bed. I stayed awake till 3:am before I slept off.
I woke up exactly 4:15am. I didn't get enough sleep. I stayed awake all through, and when it was 6:45am, I got ready for school. I left home exactly 7:30am.
I got to the class we were having our first lecture exactly 8:15am. I located an empty seat at the back and sat down. the lecturer walked in 5 minutes later and went straight to the business of the day. I listened with keen interest as he impact knowledge on us. He asked a question 20 minutes later. my heart missed a beat immediately I heard the question. can I do this? maybe I should just sit quietly while others answer the question. but how can I overcome this if I can't answer questions in class. I need to do this.
while I was still contemplating on whether to answer the question, someone stood up from the front seat and answered the question.
The lecturer walked to the guy that answered the question and placed his right hand on his shoulder.
"you almost got it right, but you missed the most important part of the answer" he said to the guy
The lecturer turned back to face the class.
"who else can give us a better explanation?" he asked
I stood up immediately. all eyes in class turned to my direction. I tried not to think of anything else. I only focused my attention on the lecturer standing in my front.
"Christian you want to help us out?" the lecturer asked.
"okay then" he said.
I took a deep breath. I started by speaking slowly and later, I was speaking courageously. when I was done, I focused my attention on the lecturer to see if he would commend me or condemn me.
He walked to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"good, good, good. you answered it just the way I want it" he said
He turned to the class.
"please give Christian a round of applause" he said to the class."
I felt on top of the world as my course mate gave me a standing ovation for answering the lecturer's question.
I slowly sat down and heaved a sigh of relief.
so what Sylvia said is true. those thought I always have in mind, discouraging me from doing things are not real. I just have to keep doing things I wish to do without listening to any voice.
I was so happy that I could answer question in class without being called to answer it.
when the lecture ended, I didn't leave the class immediately as I always do. I won't listen to that voice telling me to leave the class immediately lecture ends . I have to do the opposite of what the voice is telling me, just like Sylvia said. I remained seated and awaited what would happen next. Sylvia walked up to me few minutes later and sat beside me.
"wow Christian! you made me so proud today. thanks for listening to my advice." she said with smiles on her face.
The fact that Sylvia was proud of me made me happier. I will surely do my best to overcome this.
"thanks Sylvia. thanks for the encouragement. you are one in a million." I said
"you just have to continue this way. you won't know when you will be so confident to speak in public." she said
"thank you very much Sylvia." I said again.
"it's okay. you have said that more than ten times already."
I saw Sharon walking towards us few minutes later. maybe she was coming to remind me of the tutorial. she got to us and stood beside Sylvia.
"hi Sylvia" she greeted
"hi Sharon" Sylvia responded.
she turned to face me
"Christian I hope you are good?"
"yes I'm good" I responded
"okay, Dr. Mike said you should see him in his office" Sharon said
"why, what for?" I asked confused.
"I don't know" she responded.
"okay, let me go and see him then" I said
I stood up and walked to Dr. Mike's office. I kept wondering what might be the reason why he wants to see me. I got to his door and knock.
"yes come in" his voice sounded from within.
I took a deep breath and walked into his office. he was seen sitting behind a table. neatly arranged files could be seen on the table. his gaze was fixed on a file he was holding.
"good morning sir" I greeted
"good morning. please have a sit" he said without taking his gaze off the file he was holding.
I slowly sat down on the seat opposite him and waited patiently for what he wants to say. he dropped the file after some minutes and turned to face me.
"Christian" he called
"yes sir" I answered sharply.
"you have been selected to be among the three students that would deliver speeches in the event our department will be organizing next week. And your topic of concern will be on indecent dressing."
my heart paused for 2 seconds immediately I heard that statement.
'what!!!! me!!!!!! speech!!!!!' I nearly screamed.
if this lecturer is saying the truth, then I'm finished. An event that would have about 10 thousand attendees!! An event that would be attended by important figures. important figures like the minister of finance, minister of education and a host of others would be present in the event. maybe I should just collapse for this lecturer to believe that I'm not as capable as he thinks.
Is this the way for me to overcome shyness? definitely not, because this is way too much.
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