I stood still staring at the lecturer without saying a word. he looked up from his table and fixed his gaze on me.
"Christian what's wrong? you haven't
said anything since I told you about the event" Dr. Mike said
"yes sir, I'm ready sir. I will surely do my best sir" I said immediately.
Dr. Mike observed me for a while.
"okay, you may leave now" he said.
I turned and walked slowly to the door. I couldn't even raise my legs. I opened the door and went out.
I went to the class we had our first lecture to see if Sylvia and Sharon would still be there but they were no longer in the class. The class was already empty. I located a seat at the back and sat down. our next lecture was in the next ten minutes, but I didn't feel like going. What Dr. Mike just told me had really changed my mood. I left home the morning with the aim of overcoming my shy nature. that was why I tried my possible best to answer questions in class today. but right now I'm doubting my capability of overcoming shyness . I'm scared that I will just embarrass myself and my department in the presence of thousands of people. I really can't do this. I better look for a way to decline, in order not to embarrass my department. it would be so shameful if I will just stand in front of thousands of people and couldn't say a word. the HOD would be very disappointed. my course adviser would be disappointed. all lecturers in my department will be so disappointed.
I will just make it look like I'm ill when the day of the event draw closer. that will be the best thing to do.
I was lost in my thought that I didn't notice that Sylvia and Sharon were already standing beside me. it was when Sylvia called my name that I came back to reality. I turned to see them boring holes on my body.
"Christian, what are you thinking of? you didn't even realize that we have be standing beside you for two minutes now." Sylvia said
I didn't respond.
Sylvia sat beside me and held my hands.
"what's wrong?" she asked
"nothing" I responded
"are you not going for the next lecture? it's almost time?" Sharon asked
"you both should go ahead, I will join you later" said
"Sylvia let's go then" Sharon said to Sylvia.
"you can go ahead, we will join you later." Sylvia responded.
Sharon stood still for a while, staring from Sylvia to me and back to Sylvia
"okay" she said and left the class.
Sylvia gripped my hands and stared into my eyes immediately Sharon left.
"you can talk to me now. what's the problem?" she asked
I took a deep breath and stared back at her.
"you are aware of the event our department is organizing next week right" I said
"yes I'm aware. everyone should be aware of that." she responded
"Dr. Mike called me to his office and informed me that I would be among the three students that will deliver speech on that day" I said
"wow!" she exclaimed
"this is great news"
I looked at her, surprised that she was happy about it.
"what's good news?" I asked
"have you forgotten that I'm.........." I paused as I couldn't complete that statement.
she patted my back.
"Christian this is the best way for you to overcome this shyness. you can do this" she assured me.
"Sylvia, I can't stand in front of that large crowd. I just can't" I said.
"you can" she said.
" let's go for our next lecture. forget about it for now. we will talk about it later."
"okay" I responded
we stood up and headed straight for our next lecture.
I didn't pay attention to what the lecturer was saying. my mind was far from what was happening in class. I kept trying to assure myself that I can do this. the more I assured myself that I can do it, the more I get nervous.
I left the school immediately lecture ended and went home. I needed to rest my head before it explode.
I quickly lay on my bed to take a nap.
The knock on my door woke me up hours later. I turned my gaze to the the wall clock in my room and realized it was 6:15pm already. I quickly sat up and stretched my body.
that should be Sharon. she's definitely here for the tutorial.
I stood up from my bed and walked to the door. I opened my door and saw her already glowing with smiles.
"hi Christian" she greeted.
"hi" I responded
"hope you are ready" she said
"sure. please come in"
She walked into my room and sat on my bed. I locked my door and went to sit beside her. though I was nervous but I won't allow that to prevent the tutorial from holding. if I can't be confident enough to be in the same room with Sharon, how then can I be confident to face a large crowd. I need to make sure that the tutorial goes smoothly. I won't disappoint this time.
"can we start?" Sharon asked.
"yes, I'm ready" I responded.
She brought out a book and a pen from her bag and gave to me. I collected it from her and began immediately. I spoke confidently without being nervous. After a while of teaching, she moved closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. I paused for a while, took a deep breath and continued. I fixed my gaze on the book I was holding as I tutored her. I didn't take my gaze off the book. it was the best way for me not to get nervous. I continued that way and later decided to asked her a question, for the tutorial to be interactive.
I asked her a question and waited for her to answer but I got no reply.
I asked the question again but got no reply. I slowly raised my head to see her staring deeply into my eyes. cold shiver went down my spine, but I remained calm. I stared back at her. I was really nervous, but I didn't take off my gaze from her. I don't want her to realize I was nervous. we kept staring into each other eyes until she finally took her gaze off. I heaved a sigh of relief immediately. while I was still trying to gain control of myself, she turned back to me and stared deeply into my eyes. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I stared back at her. All of a sudden, our faces drew closer to each other. her lips were almost touching mine. her eyes were already closed, but mine were wide open in shock.
My door suddenly opened. I quickly turned my gaze to the door to see Sylvia standing at the door. she stared at us open-mouthed. Sharon quickly sat up properly and adjusted her blouse. Sylvia fixed her gaze on us for a while before she finally spoke.
"I'm very sorry for barging in. I didn't know you guys are busy. I will just take my leave now" she said.
I tried to speak but she walked out of my room, slamming the door behind her. I quickly stood up from my bed and rushed out of my room but she was no where to be found. I returned to my room to see Sharon already standing.
"maybe we should continue tomorrow. let me leave for now" she said.
"okay" I responded.
I lay on my bed immediately Sharon left my room. I sighed and took my phone from my bed. I dialed Sylvia number and waited for her to pick but she didn't pick. I continued dialing her number but she still didn't pick the call. I waited for about five minutes and dialed her number again, but this time, it was switched off. I dropped my phone on my bed and took a deep breath.
why is she not picking my call? what is she thinking? I asked myself
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